A New Year, a New Life

So it’s 20 days into 2019. How is it possible to be 19 years since the New Millenium? I remember the transition from 1999 to 2000 as if it was a year ago.

Reality is what it is, after all. So much has changed from one year to the next. Very similar to nighttime dreams, when you mention to a friend, “You won’t believe this crazy dream I had last night…” And more and more, real life seems to have been predicted by the crazy-dream state.

And none of it is bad. My life is important to me alone. You raise a child to the best of your ability, allow them to go out into the world and make the most of it, as you yourself did. And you’re once more alone. As you know from VB’s previous posts, that’s perfectly fine with me.

But….there is so much beyond one’s control. When you give yourself permission to explore another’s mind, it can potentially be dangerous, but also the most rewarding thing. Dangerous when you meet a roadblock of some kind or another. Fear, distance, inconvenience….

I keep allowing such connections since they’re so apart from ordinary daily life. Almost like a religious sacrifice where I’m the altar. Except in religion, sacrifice at the altar involves an Abraham-like choice decision to offer up one’s beloved progeny.

There’s something quite wrong with that. Real, life-giving sacrifice is offering up things harmful to us that block our ability to self-actualize, to finally manifest our real, magnificent self.

What IS that?

Well, what causes you the most pain?

Might it be your deep longing to connect with someone on a deeply profound sexual and emotional level? Might it be sexual fulfillment with someone who understands and shares your need? Might it be your wish to be real with another human being without having to hold up a facade of humor or bravado?

I don’t know what yours is. Mine is sitting in the chair in the photo as I write this. My need is for my body is to be healthy, vibrant, sexy, energized. So my intention this year is to open a space in my life in order to allow that to happen.

Ya know, sometimes we need to clear out old shit to leave space for new shit to take its place. State the intention and watch what happens.

This Is Your Time

Not that I really believe cosmic bodies influence our goings-on, but this article brings up valid points.  Humanity does have to evolve and is able to if we align with a common vision. Western patriarchal systems are breaking down while women rise up in power – in no small part in reaction to the trending return to supremacy in many countries. We’ve come too far to allow it.  You as a creative ~ it’s time to wake up visions and a new direction.

“The cosmos is setting up an evolutionary impulse for us to take responsibility for ourselves, family, children, community, the feminine and most of all, for our Mother, the Earth.

These two nodes in the Cancer/Capricorn polarity are establishing new foundations for how we live here on Earth.

Since Cancer and Capricorn reflect the maturing processes of life, we are certainly in a time when humanity has to consciously evolve to a higher level of self-awareness if humans are going to continue to exist on Earth in a positive way.

Pluto in Capricorn has been unearthing the corruption of our patriarchal society since 2008. But even as the hypocrisy and corruption are exposed, what is no longer viable is still struggling to keep control…

But Pluto is like the lava streaming out of Kilauea. It is unstoppable, pure evolution. It is creating a new earth.

We cannot go backward. It’s the people who go forward who create the future.

Are you an artist, musician, dancer, storyteller? This is your time. It’s time to wrest our people’s imaginations away from mass media programming and get them to wake up their own imaginations.

…Everyone is engaging alone with machines. It’s time to change that.  It’s up to our artists to awaken people out of our collective trance….

As with all New Moons, it’s a time to plant seeds… These are special seeds of creativity and nurturing and emotional intelligence…

Our thoughts create our reality. Our change of heart will be shared on an energetic level, and that will create more power…

We humans are part of Gaia’s ecosystem. We really need to reclaim our place in the life cycle of Earth.

Then we’ll be honoring our Great Mother, our creative center, and our cosmic purpose.”

~Cathy Pagano, excerpt from Mystic Mamma

Year of the Yoni

Photo:  yoni egg

Women’s March on Washington. March For Our Lives. Naomi Wadler. Emma Gonzalez. Stormy Daniels. MeToo. Righteously indignant mothers, sisters, daughters, grandmothers.

The Feminine Warrior is no longer just a TV fantasy.

2018 – still young, yet feels ancient. We can stop apologizing, compromising, and settling and start celebrating our divinely feminine selves.

I’ve been curious to learn how to better celebrate and explore sexuality. To deny it is to cut off a major energy source. Sexuality is part of the root chakra. Its color is blood red,  symbolized by a lotus flower, and the note “C.” It represents survival, security, basic needs, grounding, and support.

I believe that when we – and I mean men as well as women – view our sexuality as a powerful asset rather than the butt of jokes, explore it, test its limits, play with it, validate it, give it attention, it can be extremely powerful. And by “exploring” I don’t mean having sex with a partner. Rather, having sex with yourself. To do so requires a certain amount of courage and open-mindedness. I wonder if this is why we fear and laugh at it.

Explore your body. Ask questions of sexual areas. Do you like this? What does it want you to know? Feel it. Open up the energy into all areas of your life. Allow passion to infuse your entire body. Share your explorations with a sexual partner – again, that doesn’t necessarily mean having sex. It means holding a safe place for each other as you explore your own sexuality and the other’s with open minds.




2017 Was a Bitch

But I’m still standin’.

Personally –  I’ve had to make do and be resourceful, do without, and let things go that I tried my best to save. Sold most of my good jewelry, my parents’ wedding silver, old coins…..who needs stuff, anyway. My sweet and loving cat died; shit, that was hard. No kitty was loved more than him though. He was perfect in every way; some cats are lovable jerks. Not this one. At least he knew he was loved. For the first time in my life, I’m alone. My job as a mother is done; it’s gratifying to know your child turned out to be someone you’d love even if they weren’t yours. Apparently, the Universe is of the opinion that no man is/was good enough for me, because all I hear are crickets. I usually just tell the Universe to fuck off anyway for stuffing me into a human body. We both know I don’t actually belong here (joking, joking…..kinda).

I’m afraid for my country (U.S). I saw all of this happening when I was horrified that the Orange Satan won the Republican nomination. Oh, but there’s no way he’ll win the election…… Nate Silver even said so, and he’s never wrong. Horrified doesn’t describe it. No one figured in Putin’s help. Nothing that Orange Satan has caused to happen so far has surprised me. No, I’m not negative, but I am pragmatic. When you take a corrupt man and stick him in the White House, his corruption will metastasize until something drastic stops him, a metaphorical chemotherapy. Right now, Robert Mueller and team is our best hope, and he’ll do what’s right for us. Whether it’s enough, keep praying. I can’t even speculate about the evil power that Orange Satan has over Republicans in Washington. I get too angry. Our country has been infected by our enemy Putin, and Republicans’ reaction is nothing to see here….move along. The biggest corrupt coverup in history is going on. Where’s Leslie Nielsen?? Surely this tongue-in-cheek comedy has a name. I visualize this era will be something we live through and talk about for the rest of our lives, like Watergate, the Vietnam War, the Bush era of going to war over nonexistent WMDs……..Hell, ole Bush II’s popularity rating has gone through the roof of late. Is our bar that low? Don’t answer that.

So yeah. This here photo is the perfect illustration of me from all the shit that’s happening. I’m grateful for so many things though, which I thank God for; I literally do, because I know how it feels to be appreciated. I think God must appreciate it even more. I try to not think about things that are out of my control, but I will admit one thing: you chicks who have a loving man to hold you when life is hard, to be strong when you’re weak, who can lift and carry things you can’t, who can repair things, and cook when you’re dead tired and hungry from working in the days and nights…..you’d damn well better show your appreciation, cause I’ll kick your ass next time you bitch to me about some minor mistake he made and you yelled at him with righteous indignation. I’ll be happy to give you a tour of everything that needs fixing at my house. Send him here and he’ll get more appreciation than he can handle.

But I still have my love and fascination of life and the world, the business I built from nothing, my kick-ass angry bitchy self, patience, and laughter. I’ll make it!


….are energy centers of the body. Knowledge of them originated in India between 1500 and 500 BC, so it’s not New Age theory. Since I’m going through an extremely rough patch right now, I make a point of meditating on my chakras most days, as it beings me peace and awareness of things I can control. I use this 15-minute session, and  it makes a world of difference.

As a violinist and lover of all things science, I noticed an intriguing thing: the frequencies (musical notes) associated with the chakras are associated with the most “pure” musical scale – the one with no sharps or flats – all “natural” notes, which is C Major. Starting with the most “base” chakra – in your genitals – and moving up through all seven – they play a C scale – C- D – E – F – G – A – up to the crown, B. One octave, when you include the tonic (starting note ) of C! Note that knowledge of the chakras pre-dates Western music, which certainly did not exist in India.

Each chakra also has a color associated with it, starting with Red (genitals) – Orange – Yellow – Green – Blue – Indigo – up to the crown, Violet. Sound familiar? Roy G. Biv? Yes, the colors of the rainbow!

Which begs the question – is knowledge of the electromagnetic spectrum – sound and light – found within us, in our energy centers? Perhaps there’s much more to be known and understood.




…….is a ghost. Seen in the corner of the eye. It’s talked about in whispers in fear of scaring it away, or that it might think you actually believe in it, when it laughs at your naïveté. 

It dresses as a ghost, in translucent gauze, insubstantial and startling. It teases, the topic of heated discussions about its existence. Sightings are compared among the wild-eyed and shell-shocked.

It angers and inflames. Lies constantly. Needs no one. Mocks your needy weakness. Exploits vulnerability. Confuses and miscommunicates. 

It dissipates when you turn on lights or worship it. 

It brushes your cheek, but when you grasp for more, you catch air. Not real, yet not a fable. You believed in it once or twice, and it laughed in your face. 

It makes you bitter for wanting it, hating yourself for needing it. 

It looks at you lasciviously, yet will never touch you. It makes you wet and laughs at your need to pleasure yourself instead. 

It fucks you with words and promises. You fall for it.

Like a wild animal, it will never come closer to you. You entice it with food, yet comes only when your back is turned. 

It lingers when you pretend to not give a shit. It will spend the night with you only when you sleep and need nothing.

~Lucy Len


Sexual Healing

Lisa Ling has a series on CNN where she explores different cultures and lifestyles. This coming Sunday, Oct. 1st, her episode Sexual Healing premiers. She said in a short interview on CNN just now that we are all sexual beings. Every aspect of our lives is affected in some way by our own sexuality – how we express it, how we accept or reject it – is played out in surprising ways. A concept I completely agree with.

In this new episode she explores tantric sex, as well as someone who is a “sex surrogate;” a therapist who engages in the sex act with their client with the intent to educate and provide therapy, who presumably has a hurdle they need to overcome.

So much of exploring one’s self takes us on the path of sexuality. I believe it is the seat of all of our passions and desire to live a juicy life. Yet there is so much shame around it. So many are afraid of their own selves, of what dark entity they’ll find.

I will definitely be watching, and am gratified that this is on a major network and not hidden on a porn channel in shame.

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