Didn’t write last night, as I updated my About page.
It has taken a lot of nerve accepting the position of principal 2nd violin, and returning to rehearsal every week. I am the supposed section leader, yet I make so many mistakes during rehearsals, and feel very inadequate.
My main thing is to avoid making an ass of myself; after that, to play the damn music so well that the others wish they could play like me. A touch of a narcissist, I am. There are so many people I admire for many different things; being one of those to others feels kinda good.
Secondary to that, I need the conductor to have confidence in my ability, enough that he can depend on me to play extraordinarily well.
Third, I want to create a strong section; to do that I have to play pretty damned well. Which I work on every single day (practice, practice, and more practice, as well as having my own teacher).
Yet I show up there every week knowing all too well what I can’t yet do.
And it is frightening. Luckily, the universe often has more faith in us than we do.