Grow a Pair, Woman!

Have talked about looking for someone to learn rock violin from, right? Found  Bridgid Bibbens. Video at the end of this article.

Bridgid is the one with the pink Viper. Contacted her, she said she would definitely teach me. All I need to do is get back to her about my schedule.

Haven’t done it yet. Balls up, woman!

She has performed with Christina Aguilera, Mary J. Blige, John Mayer, Alicia Keyes, others, and has worked with Mark Wood many years.

Fuckin cold feet!!



Back when I started VB I considered announcing to the world my intentions (see Where I’m Headed). I thought it would be cool for those who know me to get excited about it all, even though almost all of my ~ transformation ~ there must be a better word for the process of shedding the extraneous to reveal the essence ~ has been internal so far.

So it comes across as a lot of yapping and no riding.

Thats fine for me ~ it’s my process and timeline, and I am absolutely sincere in everything I write. Some people seem to change overnight, some take a lifetime.

I learned that to share your intentions without discretion is like taking your cookies out of the oven after a couple minutes. Even though you have a fully ~ formed vision of where you’re headed, it will come off as half-baked, and you will too.

I’ve had time to think about a lot of things this past week. One of my revelations was that your most supportive and enthusiastic friends can become impatient and accusatory if you’re not moving as fast as they think you should be. No one wants to be put on the defensive by criticism and tearing down, even in the name of support. And of course you should never trust just anyone.

I’ve written about this in previous posts, how support comes from surprising places. So does negativity.

No one knows better than you, your process, and the last thing you want for your tender dreams is to get burned by well ~ meaning and enthusiastic friends pouring on too much weed killer.

So ~ I am going to keep posting  my mental dumps here, but not posting my progress so much on Facebook as I used to, until something concrete happens.

Imagine how cool it will be to jump onto the stage, fully formed. SHAZAAM!!! BAZINGA!!!

Rollin’ in the Deep

My soul has been cocooning in a dark, mysterious place. Darkness is not depression or negativity. It’s the deep place the millisecond after committing to something, when you know you’re right just as the floor disappears beneath you.

It’s the place you surrender yourself to in sleep. Or the  place you enter after facing reality, giving up someone or something that, fascinating as they/it might be to you, creates a whole lot of angst.

Being free from anyone close these past several months has forced me to dig down deep, shout into the cave WHO’S IN THERE?? Listen for an answer.

So as you know, if you’ve been reading my posts, I found a chick very different from the persona I present to the world.

Don’t most of us act a part?

But now my audience has left, the theater dark and empty. The stage clear of scenery and props.

There is a mirror. And a dressing room. And a wardrobe. Makeup.

So I try on different looks. Speak with different inflections, voices. Find what feels right, what matches my insides.

Doesn’t matter. It’s not a performance. All the seats are empty. My echoing voice filling the theater.

Just dark – soft – easy. No distractions. No pleasing, playing to them, negativity.

Just bein’

WARNING!! Do NOT Feed the Narcissist!

I am an empath. Which basically means I feel others’ pain and am able to see things through their brains. I am a healer, and feel that by trying to heal the wounded, there’s peace on Earth.

I also end up in toxic relationships with needy and draining men. They always start out great, just the man I was looking for. RIGHT.

So when I came across this article The Toxic Attraction Between an Empath and a Narcissist, well it got me.

This certainly explains a lot – that a narcissist will easily walk away from the relationship once they realize they’ve lost their ability to control the empath. It’s not fun for them anymore. Well fuck me ~ once I show my claws they do take off!

And I thought it was for a bad reason. HA!!

A pattern? You mean this is common with empaths? ROOOAAARRRR!!

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