She Was Never Here


I’m so damned impatient for everything to come together.

My plans for the next few months are:

to schedule electric violin lessons with Bridgid Bibbens – she said YES !

    ~ enroll in motorcycle riding class

    ~ do my photo shoot that I talked about before.

Everything takes time. I get it. But the time isn’t right yet for any of this.

Because to shed the last vestige of my former life, I need to lose *a little more* weight. And it just takes fucking time. I’ve made a lot of progress!  Feel fantastic. Energized and sexy. And there’s still a way to go.

The second I pull up at the end of this journey, I’ll look hot in tight leather, rocking my electric violin, riding a bike, with a portfolio of badass photos.

Anyone who knows me, except one particular person who knows the real me, will be totally shocked at the transformation. Where did the good girl go?

The truth is, she was never here.

I’m not superficial. I’m not promoting the lie that skinny chicks are better than anyone else. The thing is, this is MY journey. It’s my necessity to live my life. I need to have a certain body type to be who I am, to dress my reality.

There’s so much at stake, so many things I cannot lose, that I’m obsessed with doing what I have to get there.

The ultimate prize is to move freely about without anonymity. My level of righteous anger right now is like a 10. 

 

Take It Off Now, Boy

You let all the girls go
Makes you feel good, don’t it?
Behind your Broadway show
I heard a boy say, “Please, don’t hurt me”

You’ve carried on so long
You couldn’t stop if you tried it.
You’ve built your wall so high
That no one could climb it.
But I’m gonna try

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, boy, take it off now, boy
I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, tonight?

See beneath, see beneath,
I
Tonight
I

I’m gonna climb on top your ivory tower
I’ll hold your hand and then we’ll jump right out
We’ll be falling, falling but that’s OK
‘Cause I’ll be right here
I just wanna know

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?
Would you let me see beneath your perfect?
Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl
‘Cause I wanna see inside
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, oh, oh, tonight?
See beneath your beautiful, oh, tonight.
We ain’t perfect, we ain’t perfect, no.
Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?

Beneath Your Beautiful

Like erotic songs? See if this doesn’t stir up some lust:

You let all the girls go

Makes you feel good, don’t it?

Behind your Broadway show

I heard a boy say, “Please, don’t hurt me”

You’ve carried on so long

You couldn’t stop if you tried it.

You’ve built your wall so high

That no one could climb it.

But I’m gonna try

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?

Would you let me see beneath your perfect?

Take it off now, boy, take it off now, boy

I wanna see inside

Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight, oh, tonight?

See beneath, see beneath,

Tonight