The Impossibility of Turning Back

“Once you start to awaken, no one can ever
claim you again for the old patterns.
Now you realize how precious your time here is.

You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self;
your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language.
You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity.

Now you are impatient for growth,
willing to put yourself in the way of change.
You want your work to become an expression of your gift.
You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells.

You want your God to be wild
and to call you to where your destiny awaits.”

~ John O’Donohue

So what’s the Northern Lights have to do with this? As much as I wish to, I’ve never seen them. And once seen, can’t be unseen. Proof that life has more gifts than we can ever receive in a lifetime. There will always be something to look forward to, once done, received, can’t be returned.

I’ve found my life so to be over the past 3 1/2 years. I hope I don’t appear callous or unloving ~ just being pragmatic ~ this phase of my life began the day my last parent passed. So – there’s only me left. What do you do, then? Move on, right?

The above quote accurately sums up the last 3 1/2 years for me. Above all, I’ve become discerning when it comes to where I focus my energy and thoughts, how I spend my time. When you consciously make these choices, you’re much more likely to find yourself in a place (physically, mentally, emotionally) that you love.

Everything changes, and it’s scary and wild. And you’ll be grateful to yourself and never turn back.

5 thoughts on “The Impossibility of Turning Back

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  1. That’s my hope too! Once the computer is gone, there’s no re-booting 😃

    I’ll write a new post soon to lighten the mood. Enough talking about death and dementia 🖤

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dementia is a horrible way to spend your last years. My grandmother died last year. The last conversation I was able to have with her was ten years ago. The biggest tragedy for her was that physically she was quite fit until the very last years, she could have had such a wonderful decade of life, but instead she had to spend the years in an institution under 24 hour surveillance and nursing. That was a great place, I think they did the best they could for her. I sincerely hope that my brain keeps functioning till the very last day of my life.

    They are called “revontuli” in Finnish, literally “the fox´s fire”. The mythical fox runs across the sky, and its tail sweeps and lights the fires.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You made me laugh (in a good way) with your attitude towards the aurora (what is the Finnish word for them?). Of course, it makes perfect sense, and I would be *such* a tourist, so excited I would be to ever see them in person 😜. But the cold night – well…….

    I confess, I had to google “hygge.” Apparently there’s no English equivalent, but it’s intimacy, coziness, security, contentment? I love that. I can imagine what that would be like with a person one is intimate with physically, mentally, etc. My idea of what happiness is. Maybe I live in the wrong part of the world.

    I can understand why it would sound like I had a horrible relationship with my parents, but that’s not the case. The reason I said what I did, because I was my father’s only caregiver the last few years of his life, when he had terrible dementia. I have no siblings, nor available relatives to help, and the American health care for elderly, well, there isn’t any. Dementia is a horrible, evil illness. Anyway, the last few years of his life, he couldn’t be left alone, and I gave up teaching and pretty much everything to care for him. Anyone would do the same for someone they love. So in the process, I kind of lost myself. I cared for my mother also; she passed away in 1999.

    So for those and other reasons I’ve probably written about long ago here in the blog, is why I get so damned excited by things that most people probably take for granted – kind and loving people, women and men who can be bold but intimate, not afraid or ashamed of themselves. Being comfortable with intimacy is a surprisingly rare thing.

    Tom, I appreciate having you to talk to about things 😊. It’s so much better than just talking to my blog!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Interesting. Both my parents are still alive. I of course feel guilty for not being in more contact with them, they are decent and nice people. I can’t comment on how it will feel when they are gone, but I can hardly seen that having a huge impact on me. It is after all so long ago when I left their house.

    Am I reading you right, did you have a difficult, even traumatic, relationship with them? Would you care to elaborate?

    About Northern lights, I appreciate you using them as illustration. Indeed they are a remarkable natural phenomenon, but the silly thing is, I have never really been bothered to go out and watch them. I also think this is something I share with many other people living in places where they can be seen. They are always there, seeing them would mean going out in the middle of the night, when the sky is clear (and it is hence fucking cold!), stare in the sky for a long time. I’d rather stay indoors, enjoying what cozy things one can do in nice and warm rooms. These days that goes by the name hygge, which is borrowed from the Danes. I think it was Kipling who famously wrote about mad dogs and Englishmen, and I think the same goes with Northern lights and tourists… Silly really to confess this…

    Liked by 1 person

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