Been working on work, on my future (business), on being a better me, and making time for pleasures of life.
So many passions, so little time. So you learn to let things go. Focus without distraction on what you really want. That’s hard for me! When I was 20- or 30-something, I had my entire life yet to accomplish all those big plans. There just isn’t enough time to do everything. Later in life, you have to treat your dreams like your clothes – if you haven’t worn it/thought of it/worked on it/done it by now, better make some decisions on the ones you really want, and weed out the rest.
Focus on those and kill ’em! You can, we can.
The affinity between women and wolves. The concept of the wild woman accompanied by a wolf.
There’s a certain kind of woman who fights for her wildness, a feminine freedom. Probably the first to connect the two was Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves.
Why do many of us identify with wolves (specifically, she-wolves)?
Wolves are non-violent, with an aversion to aggression, fighting, and violence. They’re devoted to and serve the pack and each other. They bond strongly to certain individuals. However, they can be aggressive when threatened.
They’re fearless survivors.
Others who have enjoyed the company of wolves have described some individuals as confident, tolerant, and generous natural leaders, as wild and playful, as supportive and full of affection, as strong but kind, patient, and dignified, as not confident, less tolerant or easy-going, as happy, resilient and stern, and as relaxed, kind, lovable and never harsh. Lisa Matthews, Wolf Song of Alaska
Wolves need no explanation. They just are.
……..keeps shit interesting. I suppose some might be self-inflicted. I live in this mental world of extremes. Some love roller coasters, skydiving, rock climbing…… My mind is its own stuntman. No body double for me. Did I sign up for this? Not that I recall.
People who know me, to a person, will say I’m the most chill chick they know. I attract (and immediately fend off) chaotic people and places. Guess it’s true about opposites attracting. Well, that’s good a lot of times…..maybe I’ll write about that.
But inside, I’m all over the place. Euphorically happy or totally bummed out. Depends on….what? My thoughts at that particular second.
This is meant to be a follow-up to my previous post. When I’m pissed off, just hang out with me a min. You have a right to be pissed at me too, and I hope you’ll tell me to go fuck myself. Cause I wanna be able to tell you to fuck off too. Then we laugh and carry on.
You know, there are times when no matter how conscientious you are, there’s a limit. I can’t eat one more salad without gagging, or make myself drink another unsweetened iced tea, or eat another plate of veggies. Ok, so I feel great when eating healthy……but I’m just tired of always doing the “right” thing, when shit goes wrong anyway.
None of it has anything to do with food, unless you consider that, like working hard and caring for your health, it’s to make sure certain things don’t happen. But then they do.
Then the person you’re closest to dumps you because something they said hurt you and you tell them hey, that hurts, and they don’t like it, so they just take off. Well fuck me then.
I just want to stop caring and go wild. Hey, that would be fun, huh?
PS – after publishing this, I was notified that this was my TWO HUNDREDTH post on Violin Bitch.
Today is a rare one….no appointments for the entire day. And unexpected – I got a call this morning that the one student I’ve been aiding for this week (an hour each morning and afternoon) is staying home. Our school is closed this week, so I haven’t had to work the usual 4.5 hours a day, only 2, and I have no lessons scheduled this evening. How fantastic to not have to clock-watch!
So mentally freeing! I’m gonna read and ignore the clock. And what’s this photo have to do with anything?
Some see desolation – no crowds of people, no entertainment, no fun. I see freedom, exploration, plenty of life – you just have to look under your feet and above your head. Appreciation for the environment that supports us and keeps us alove. (That actually was a typo, but I decided to leave it – it’s a useful new word to describe that which keeps us alive and makes us feel loved at the same time).
Life has plenty of challenges – sometimes I can only manage one minute at a time – but I’m in love with life!
Hillary’s back in the war.
I well know the power of leather. Wear it and conquer the world.
That is all.
I had some quiet time with myself today, just letting thoughts bubble up to the surface. One interesting idea that needs to be written about is how our life can be art. The self we express can be either without purpose, like a paint ball *splatted* against a wall, or it can be a carefully thought out, expressive piece of art.
Art is genuine and beautiful. Beauty of course is subjective, but it draws you in and grabs your attention. There’s something personally relatable to it, with a desire for more. When have you been in the presence of someone who is so real and relevant, who you felt drawn to? I want to make this my purpose, to peel off conformity – a learned condition for protection – and disclose what makes me unique.
Having a trail partner, someone who understands you, thinks like you, and/or simply appreciates you, as you do them. That must be the most empowering and synergistic dynamic there is. I don’t mean roses and chocolate, greeting cards and birthdays, Christmas gifts, champaign. Those are all very nice – but someone to explore life with as an adventure would be pretty cool.
This is my third attempt at writing tonight’s blog post.
Life feels complicated sometimes. I’ve been frustrated over not enough time and too many things. Obviously, I need to rethink priorities. I feel like captain of a cargo ship when all I really want is a rowboat. What can I change? Materially as well as how I use my time?
I’ve been crashing a lot the past few days, as in feeling tired and overwhelmed. And frustrated. Looking for answers: maybe if I do this instead of that, or focus on something else. What’s wrong?
Maybe the answer isn’t in finding an answer so much as to pare things down. Simplify is actually my “word” for 2017.
When I was kid, I loved reading stories of the pioneer families on the Oregon Trail. At some point many had to dump possessions off their covered wagons when the horses or oxen became tired, or their wheels fell off. Piles of belongings along the trail…
learning to play rock violin
fauxbonichi (art journaling)
get past the first draft of the novel I wrote
record my own song in Garage Band
oh, then there’s the erotic novella I started
tidy the house
give away clothes that aren’t in line with who I am
That’s a lot of stuff to give up, isn’t it? The photo for this post ~ there’s a saying that goes something like, “If your hands are too full you can’t hold someone else’s.”
time sketches art as tattoos
on my skin. each a lesson….a lover…..an indulgence,
my skin shivering with frisson from your tracing
your deep breaths inflame me,