Good Excuse For a Hot Photo

You know, there are times when no matter how conscientious you are, there’s a limit. I can’t eat one more salad without gagging, or make myself drink another unsweetened iced tea, or eat another plate of veggies. Ok, so I feel great when eating healthy……but I’m just tired of always doing the “right” thing, when shit goes wrong anyway.

None of it has anything to do with food, unless you consider that, like working hard and caring for your health, it’s to make sure certain things don’t happen. But then they do.

Then the person you’re closest to dumps you because something they said hurt you and you tell them hey, that hurts, and they don’t like it, so they just take off. Well fuck me then.

I just want to stop caring and go wild. Hey, that would be fun, huh?

PS – after publishing this, I was notified that this was my TWO HUNDREDTH post on Violin Bitch.

 

 

 

 

It’s Novel

This was/is to be the cover of a novel I started writing 1 1/2 years ago. I posed for it, even though it’s fictional and not about me.

Then life brought me to a bumpy road shortly after, and I put my book away, where it sits on my hard drive. I intended it to be an erotic novella, but I think it wants to be something else. Erotic, but not a novella. It’s hard to keep the rise and fall of sexual tension going throughout an entire book. Yeah, even in my head.

Erotica lives in my head constantly. Actually, turns out it’s not that weird, only taboo. I’ve always been fascinated by things that aren’t as they seem, people and places that hide an entire underground existence, secret from the unenlightened.

Philosophy is like that, as is music, and science. And certainly sexuality.

I happen to be the personality type represented by less than 1% of the human population (I accept my oddness). I met a woman today who teaches erotic sexuality, and besides being awestruck by the fact that someone actually does that, she has the same personality type as me ~ so immediately she’s a kindred spirit.

Which brings me to my point ~ that I need to stop living in the normal world and wave my freak flag. And keep writing.

PS…I swear,  this is a line I just read in “The Winter Over”

At some point, potential had to be realized, or you simply ended where you began: a blank, empty, meaningless frame of white, waiting for effort to give it meaning.

Iden, Matthew (2017-02-01). The Winter Over (p. 58). Thomas & Mercer. Kindle Edition.

Did Ya Miss Me?

I missed you for sure. Been using down time from work to get my business ready to launch before the end of the year! My biz that’s gonna take care of me like a loving mama.

But that ain’t gonna happen without me creating it and setting it up, will it? My mind is always buzzing from here to there with ideas! I need a (loving, not abusive) man with a big whip to keep ’em all in one place so they can work together for me.

It’s coming – I’m excited!

But what a pain in the ass when it takes me away from play time. 

Changes

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I originally posted this last year in April. I had just been in a tailspin of one horrible thing after another – my car was in an accident when someone cut directly in front of me making a left turn, my son’s car (which used to be mine, my 22-year-old baby) was totaled when it was sideswiped by an 18-wheeler, then he bought a gorgeous 3-year-old car, his dream car where the stars all lined up the right way for him to get it, which was totaled 1 1/2 months later when someone ran into him in a parking lot. There were relatively minor things too,  like my washing machine motor dying. All of these things happened from January to April, when I wrote the post, below. 

I’m following up on it to give you hope that hard times don’t last forever, keep doing whatever you can even when you’re so fucking pissed at the universe, God, whoever, do not give up. Reframe your reality if necessary, just put one foot in front of the other facing the general direction you want to go, and walk.

*Deep thoughts alert*

I’m just glad the cold months are done. They trip up my mind. This winter has had enough ugliness – darkness – Bad Things.

Not one of those BT’s was caused by my own wrongdoing. I have no problem accepting responsibility when I’ve fucked up, I do it all the time.

The BT’s happened even as I diligently put my best efforts into preserving the things I ended up losing. Material things, people, keeping my support system intact – *POOF!*

Some things just go wrong and we can’t blame ourselves. I want to believe that when this kind of shit happens outside of our control, we are given grace at least from the universe to heal and rebuild something in its place that might just be better than what we had but refused to consider letting go.

Why I Do Violin Bitch

2015-11-11 22.59.54Because there are things I need to say. Writing rips off the nicey-nice costume my soul has concealed herself in until recently. I write here to get to know myself. To understand things that make no sense to me. Bask in things that light me up.

The world needs all of us to show up wearing our power gear – whatever it is we’re passionate about. Mine happens to be music, violin, eroticism, as a start.

If you’re brave, check out my posts on Violin Bitch’s Facebook page (for adults only). Nothing feels better than expressing myself. Am happy to share.

2015-11-12 21.22.08Decadent much?

Committment

SOOOOOOO……..yesterday I stopped dragging my ass and jumped into the rapids with nothing but a dream and a plan buckled to me like my tight leather bustier – and enrolled in a school halfway across the country that’ll teach me everything I need.  I know, right?

Every single thought, wish, want inside of me regarding violin and my Five Passions gushes towards Rock/Metal violin. It’s a current I can’t stop even if I wanted to. It’ll happen with or without me. There’s no reason not to jump in, get soaking wet, navigate the current. Is right up there in the most frightening things I’ve ever done.

Now I know why I needed to grow my hair out. Oh yeah, baby. Lucy is coming.