…….is a ghost. Seen in the corner of the eye. It’s talked about in whispers in fear of scaring it away, or that it might think you actually believe in it, when it laughs at your naïveté. 

It dresses as a ghost, in translucent gauze, insubstantial and startling. It teases, the topic of heated discussions about its existence. Sightings are compared among the wild-eyed and shell-shocked.

It angers and inflames. Lies constantly. Needs no one. Mocks your needy weakness. Exploits vulnerability. Confuses and miscommunicates. 

It dissipates when you turn on lights or worship it. 

It brushes your cheek, but when you grasp for more, you catch air. Not real, yet not a fable. You believed in it once or twice, and it laughed in your face. 

It makes you bitter for wanting it, hating yourself for needing it. 

It looks at you lasciviously, yet will never touch you. It makes you wet and laughs at your need to pleasure yourself instead. 

It fucks you with words and promises. You fall for it.

Like a wild animal, it will never come closer to you. You entice it with food, yet comes only when your back is turned. 

It lingers when you pretend to not give a shit. It will spend the night with you only when you sleep and need nothing.

~Lucy Len


Sexual Healing

Lisa Ling has a series on CNN where she explores different cultures and lifestyles. This coming Sunday, Oct. 1st, her episode Sexual Healing premiers. She said in a short interview on CNN just now that we are all sexual beings. Every aspect of our lives is affected in some way by our own sexuality – how we express it, how we accept or reject it – is played out in surprising ways. A concept I completely agree with.

In this new episode she explores tantric sex, as well as someone who is a “sex surrogate;” a therapist who engages in the sex act with their client with the intent to educate and provide therapy, who presumably has a hurdle they need to overcome.

So much of exploring one’s self takes us on the path of sexuality. I believe it is the seat of all of our passions and desire to live a juicy life. Yet there is so much shame around it. So many are afraid of their own selves, of what dark entity they’ll find.

I will definitely be watching, and am gratified that this is on a major network and not hidden on a porn channel in shame.

Women & Wolves


The affinity between women and wolves. The concept of the wild woman accompanied by a wolf.

There’s a certain kind of woman who fights for her wildness, a feminine freedom. Probably the first to connect the two was Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book, Women Who Run With the Wolves. 

Why do many of us identify with wolves (specifically, she-wolves)?

Wolves are non-violent, with an aversion to aggression, fighting, and violence. They’re devoted to and serve the pack and each other. They bond strongly to certain individuals. However, they can be aggressive when threatened.

They’re fearless survivors.

And intelligent.

Others who have enjoyed the company of wolves have described some individuals as confident, tolerant, and generous natural leaders, as wild and playful, as supportive and full of affection, as strong but kind, patient, and dignified, as not confident, less tolerant or easy-going, as happy, resilient and stern, and as relaxed, kind, lovable and never harsh.  Lisa Matthews, Wolf Song of Alaska

Wolves need no explanation. They just are. 



time sketches art as tattoos 

on my skin. each a lesson….a lover… indulgence,

my skin shivering with frisson from your tracing


 your deep breaths inflame me, 

and yourself















The Impossibility of Turning Back

“Once you start to awaken, no one can ever
claim you again for the old patterns.
Now you realize how precious your time here is.

You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self;
your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language.
You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity.

Now you are impatient for growth,
willing to put yourself in the way of change.
You want your work to become an expression of your gift.
You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells.

You want your God to be wild
and to call you to where your destiny awaits.”

~ John O’Donohue

So what’s the Northern Lights have to do with this? As much as I wish to, I’ve never seen them. And once seen, can’t be unseen. Proof that life has more gifts than we can ever receive in a lifetime. There will always be something to look forward to, once done, received, can’t be returned.

I’ve found my life so to be over the past 3 1/2 years. I hope I don’t appear callous or unloving ~ just being pragmatic ~ this phase of my life began the day my last parent passed. So – there’s only me left. What do you do, then? Move on, right?

The above quote accurately sums up the last 3 1/2 years for me. Above all, I’ve become discerning when it comes to where I focus my energy and thoughts, how I spend my time. When you consciously make these choices, you’re much more likely to find yourself in a place (physically, mentally, emotionally) that you love.

Everything changes, and it’s scary and wild. And you’ll be grateful to yourself and never turn back.

…..or “Multi-Passioned?”

I’m not sure what to call our curious brain. I can only speak for myself, as I’m somewhat of an explorer of the inner universe, and hope my readers will find something useful that resonates with you and apply it to your own life experience.

I wish everyone walked around wearing t-shirts listing who they honestly are. I always feel like, in the sea of anonymous people we pass by every day, we would happily form a  connection to a lot more people, if we knew some little occult thing about each other. I’m not saying to be an open book ~ but hang out little signs revealing interesting things about ourselves in order to form rich connections.

Which isn’t the point of this post. I really wanted to write about how really odd it is I’ve always been obsessively interested in natural sciences like ecology, geology, meteorology, and especially astronomy. Yet….

… the same time I have an equal fascination with the occult (knowledge of the hidden, things that  can’t be measured, seen, quantified). Isn’t this paradoxical? Is it “seeing the big picture” taken to an extreme? In the natural universe it would be the equivalent of dark matter and dark energy.

We are weirdly fascinating. I love the exploration of those who are open to be explored.

What’s Shakin’


As usual, my passion is tempting me take on new opportunities. If you’ve been following VB, you already know about the erotic novel in the works, Playing Wild. That’s heating up about a chapter a week. It’s turning into quite the scorcher!

I’m also digging deeper into my right brain, learning more about spiritual, woo-woo. Hey, I always said there’s more to things than we think we know.

If that weren’t enough, I’m setting up a new business website. Am opening up more of myself, which is scary as shit. But I can’t let worrying about rejection get to me. Every day I work a little more on my site, which is coming out very awesomly.

I’ve joined a worldwide group of creative women who have a goal of serving the world with our gifts. This group has opened up a humongous door in so many ways.

I also ditched my old violin teaching site for one that is more “me,” with the intention to bring a better vibe to my violin world.

My Facebook page continues to take care of itself with its erotic images and stuff.

And of course in between all this shit I’m playing (violin) and learning how I can do the above better. I just want to create abundance through making the world a pretty damn good place with me being me.

Perfectionism In Art is an Oxymoron.


I want to bring awareness to a mindset that is counterproductive for people as well as our world ~ the belief that your art is unworthy unless it’s a Picasso or Rembrandt, Beethoven or Mozart, Shakespeare or Joyce.

My father’s dream was to be an opera singer. It’s the reason he came to the US. But his teachers told him sorry, you’re not cut out for opera, so he abandoned his music.  He was a talented artist in oil painting, but teachers said sorry you’re not a John Constable. So he abandoned his painting. He had a way with words, with an impressive vocabulary and grammar skills. He could have been a writer. He loved acting, but by this time he had to get a “real” job, so gave that up. It’s not that he was a perfectionist. He was discouraged from the get-go because artistic expression was viewed as a kind of competition with “the best.”

I’m grateful every single day that he passed on his artistic traits to me. I am far from superlative. I know I’m not, nor will ever come close to a Joshua Bell or Mark Wood or Hilary Hahn in the violin world. But I do my damndest to play my best.

You see, art of any kind ~ music, acting, painting, jewelry making, architecture, whatever ~ isn’t about being the best or being perfect.  It’s about being you, making the world a little more tolerable with your talents, in the place where you are.

Be you. Do you. We need you! You need you.

Continue reading “Perfectionism In Art is an Oxymoron.”

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