Third Try

This is my third attempt at writing tonight’s blog post.

Life feels complicated sometimes. I’ve been frustrated over not enough time and too many things. Obviously, I need to rethink priorities. I feel like captain of a cargo ship when all I really want is a rowboat. What can I change? Materially as well as how I use my time?

I’ve been crashing a lot the past few days, as in feeling tired and overwhelmed. And frustrated. Looking for answers: maybe if I do this instead of that, or focus on something else. What’s wrong?

Maybe the answer isn’t in finding an answer so much as to pare things down. Simplify is actually my “word” for 2017.

When I was  kid, I loved reading stories of the pioneer families on the Oregon Trail. At some point many had to dump possessions off their covered wagons when the horses or oxen became tired, or their wheels fell off. Piles of belongings along the trail…

my business

learning to play rock violin

fauxbonichi (art journaling)

get past the first draft of the novel I wrote 

record my own song in Garage Band 

write erotica

oh, then there’s the erotic novella I started

tidy the house

give away clothes that aren’t in line with who I am

That’s a lot of stuff to give up, isn’t it? The photo for this post ~ there’s a saying that goes something like, “If your hands are too full you can’t hold someone else’s.”

Skin

time sketches art as tattoos 

on my skin. each a lesson….a lover…..an indulgence,

my skin shivering with frisson from your tracing

 

 your deep breaths inflame me, 

and yourself

 

LL, VB

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Impossibility of Turning Back

“Once you start to awaken, no one can ever
claim you again for the old patterns.
Now you realize how precious your time here is.

You are no longer willing to squander your essence on undertakings that do not nourish your true self;
your patience grows thin with tired talk and dead language.
You see through the rosters of expectation which promise you safety and the confirmation of your outer identity.

Now you are impatient for growth,
willing to put yourself in the way of change.
You want your work to become an expression of your gift.
You want your relationship to voyage beyond the pallid frontiers to where the danger of transformation dwells.

You want your God to be wild
and to call you to where your destiny awaits.”

~ John O’Donohue

So what’s the Northern Lights have to do with this? As much as I wish to, I’ve never seen them. And once seen, can’t be unseen. Proof that life has more gifts than we can ever receive in a lifetime. There will always be something to look forward to, once done, received, can’t be returned.

I’ve found my life so to be over the past 3 1/2 years. I hope I don’t appear callous or unloving ~ just being pragmatic ~ this phase of my life began the day my last parent passed. So – there’s only me left. What do you do, then? Move on, right?

The above quote accurately sums up the last 3 1/2 years for me. Above all, I’ve become discerning when it comes to where I focus my energy and thoughts, how I spend my time. When you consciously make these choices, you’re much more likely to find yourself in a place (physically, mentally, emotionally) that you love.

Everything changes, and it’s scary and wild. And you’ll be grateful to yourself and never turn back.

Day Off

Am savoring a rare day of freedom. My body is demanding laziness. I kinda feel like shit though – sinus headache, sneezing, and so tired no matter how much I sleep..

So I spent the morning browsing through Facebook pages I subscribe to, an indulgence I don’t normally get. These pages are the source of my inspiration, which sadly hasn’t gotten a lot of new ideas lately. Sometimes you gotta just say fuck the world and hide out in your house.

I guess that says a lot about my priorities. Instead of using this time to…..oh, I don’t know…..create a course to sell on my website, clean the house, practice, resume my erotic novel, a hundred other things, I’m on the internet looking at erotic photos. I love doing it though!

So there. 

…..or “Multi-Passioned?”

I’m not sure what to call our curious brain. I can only speak for myself, as I’m somewhat of an explorer of the inner universe, and hope my readers will find something useful that resonates with you and apply it to your own life experience.

I wish everyone walked around wearing t-shirts listing who they honestly are. I always feel like, in the sea of anonymous people we pass by every day, we would happily form a  connection to a lot more people, if we knew some little occult thing about each other. I’m not saying to be an open book ~ but hang out little signs revealing interesting things about ourselves in order to form rich connections.

Which isn’t the point of this post. I really wanted to write about how really odd it is I’ve always been obsessively interested in natural sciences like ecology, geology, meteorology, and especially astronomy. Yet….

…..at the same time I have an equal fascination with the occult (knowledge of the hidden, things that  can’t be measured, seen, quantified). Isn’t this paradoxical? Is it “seeing the big picture” taken to an extreme? In the natural universe it would be the equivalent of dark matter and dark energy.

We are weirdly fascinating. I love the exploration of those who are open to be explored.

Underwear

I’ve been struggling to write a new post. The current state of government here in the US sometimes makes the things I think about and want to write of seem trivial and silly. But I also believe we shouldn’t stop doing whatever makes us feel awesome, and spread it far and wide!

So how much more mundane can I be in writing about underwear?

I read an interesting article recently about underwear. About how we chicks put a lot of time, energy, and moolah into looking cute for everyone else’s benefit ~ and there’s nothing wrong with that, I say ~ but our underwear is usually the last thing we think about when putting our hot and sexy selves out there. (Admittedly, sometimes even doing that takes some effort, only because I’m an introvert).

Some thoughts to consider about the subject ~

We people sometimes fake our way to self-worth. We can show the world how hot, successful, together we are, and we wear underwear that’s shit. No one’s gonna see it so it doesn’t matter. 

So what are we really saying? Our appearance is a facade. Or we actually don’t deserve nice things. Or we don’t care enough about ourselves to wear sexy and nice underwear. Or maybe we only value superficial things that are seen by others.

Just a trivial idea to consider that might not be all that mundane.

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